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Don’t be a geisha. Don’t let anyone you know be a geisha. Not even for Halloween. They just don’t have it as good as you might think.

Memoirs of a Geisha, the movie based on Arthur Golden’s novel, reveals and dispels the mystique surrounding the ancient Japanese tradition of geishas.

“Geisha” means artist. They are Japan’s version of the ‘performance artist,’ except way cooler. In the world of cherry blossoms and sumo wrestling, Memoirs unsheathes the women behind the living works of art and we discover that what those gorgeous kimonos and distinct make-up cover isn’t pretty.

The movie opens with a poor girl named Chiyo (endearingly portrayed by Suzuka Ohgo) who is literally stolen from her home in the night and passed along until she finally ends up in a geisha house, where she sadly asks, “What’s a geisha?” Turns out her family sold her and she would never see them again. She was nine years old. And I thought it was hard changing schools when I was nine.

Things just get worse for her from there. It’s a bit of a Cinderella story with a Japanese flair to it. After much torture, Chiyo transforms into Sayuri (played by Zhang Ziyi) and becomes the most famous geisha of all of Japan—until WWII hits and then everything changes again. But of course in all of this, there must be a prince. In the story, he is called the Chairman and we are forever wondering if they will ever get a chance.

The cast is excellent and entirely foreign, though several are familiar because of crossover into American movies. Zhang Ziyi, or in the Western habit of rearranging the names, Ziyi Zhang, is what I always thought of as a geisha. She is delicate, beautiful and completely modest of her charms. She learned to speak English for the movie. (In fact, in Rush Hour 2, Jackie Chan had to translate for her everything the director said.) She is sympathetic throughout except for when she is strong enough not to need it, as in her dance under the snow that is absolutely spectacular.

The Chairman is Ken Watanabe and he makes every scene he’s in better. You might recognize him from The Last Samurai. I totally understand why he is the only bright spot in her life.

The movie is stunning like you would expect it to be with its scenery, costumes and make-up, but it’s also somewhat frustrating. The Japanese actors who make an admirable go at speaking English often times are difficult to understand. I’m not knocking them, it’s just unfortunate that it happens at prime moments so you’re left with whispering ‘what’d she say?’ when you should be feeling the impact of what she said.

Another frustration comes with the nature of the story. Most of these people just aren’t that happy. Every single one seems to be sacrificing something and while it seems honorable, they are all quietly miserable because of it. It’s hard to watch people when you just want to scream ‘Tell him!’ or ‘Leave her alone!’ all the time.

Also, translating a book to the screen is a tricky thing because you have to know what to cut out and what to keep in. Sometimes jumps were made without explanation when it really felt like there should have been and other times important things seemed to be glossed over, both leaving an overall somewhat bumpy ride.

Ultimately, this worth-seeing movie is quite like its subject matter: beautiful and melancholy.

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